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Fall In Love And Fall Apart

by The Drive Home

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1.
Bluebird 02:57
my brain's been tearing itself apart these past few days and this routine does nothing but leave me drained and nights consist of fighting myself i'm feeling like i'm stuck up on an old shelf no one said growing up would be easy but i never thought it would be this hard there's an aching in my legs from chasing down the thought of you bet i only cross your mind from time to time am i happy here alone or am i still just lonely? how do i be alone without being lonely? the only thing you ever gave me was your pity but it's not like i've ever been down on my knees and begging you keep acting like you care but we both know it's for yourself so take his hand and run from here 'cause a life without you is no longer a fear i've held back from punching holes in every wall i've seen trying to keep these hands at least a little clean but you can't blame me for feeling this amount of stress when you're the one that's made me seem like such a mess there's an aching in my legs from chasing down the thought of you bet i only cross your mind from time to time am i happy here alone or am i still just lonely? how do i be alone without being lonely?
2.
Broken 02:34
can i get a little space a little space from the drain in my head i need a break from the holes in my walls i need a break from your photo in my drawer this feels more like a house than a home you feel more like the cold than the warm a stain in the back of my mind a pain in the back of my spine this feels more like a house than a home you feel more like the cold and i still miss filling the empty side of your bed and maybe i'd have the guts to force these eyes shut if his chest wasn't the place that you now rest your head (another night avoiding sleep) refusing to admit i've let myself become this weak another night woken at 2am, you've been drinking again so self-destructive i'll still take your call and all the words you abuse (make me want to throw this phone right through my bedroom wall) you don't want me (you don't want me to move on) and i still miss filling the empty side of your bed and maybe i'd have the guts to force these eyes shut if his chest wasn't the place that you now rest your head (another night avoiding sleep) refusing to admit i've let myself become this weak i know he'll give you the things i can't but he won't make you feel like i do so when you wake up next to him i hope he knows that's where i have been
3.
Uncover 03:13
i'm tired and insecure breathing only words left in traces by your door i still think of you some mornings when the sun cuts through the blinds but the mess inside my room is all i ever seem to find and it's nothing but a reflection of my state of mind i thought i'd be fine by now but the doubt you left me with it makes me question everything everytime you had that look of doubt in your eyes i know it was him who was running through the back of your mind he'll never give you the things i did you'll still crawl out from the curb he threw you to and run back to him i'll force myself up today, push myself out that front door again i'll take these worn and heavy feet along the same familiar streets (i still miss the ones that led to your door but i know you only ever walk the ones that led to his) everytime you had that look of doubt in your eyes i know it was him who was running through the back of your mind he'll never give you the things i did you'll still crawl out from the curb he threw you to and run back to him and i hope that bed breaks when he sits down on it i've left out a screw on my side with his name on it (and i hope when you wake that he's not lying next to you cause i am the sun through those blinds burning over you) and your hands feel different now that his prints have covered up where mine used to be and it's taken me nearly two years to see that the things that you never gave weren't meant to be and i know that i'll move on soon if i had better things to do, if i had better things to do
4.
Short Fall 02:55
i'll rot here waiting for you to fall so i can point my finger and say i told you so (i should've seen this coming) and i'll stand out in the rain drenched in all of you and what you put me through i've been down and out since you left out cold more alone than ever, never more scared of the future and if getting old is just like this then i quit i'm not build to hold this pressure so just rot all yourself away every last bit you have left like you have in the darkest blues of my head i had hope with you but it went out the door heels over head across the room i'd see you, but in my mind you're dead and i'm learning to live alone, 'cause it's for the best i'm told but i can't help but feel unwell with the thought of just myself i'll stay home hidden for the summer i've found no comfort in the weather i think clearer when i'm covered i haven't always been a pessimist but i guess i've had bad influence and at least if grey hangs over me it's honest and i hate to say i told you so but i told you so, i told you so i had hope with you but it went out the door heels over head across the room i'd see you, but in my mind you're dead and i'm learning to live alone, 'cause it's for the best i'm told but i can't help but feel unwell with the thought of just myself and you'll always be a potential that i'll never meet a bar that's set too high for me to reach i'll get over you and all the shit you put me through if i wake up and think of you i've got so much left to prove
5.
Detach 04:03
you said it's too hard to keep up when we're both so far apart my heart stretched a distance more than enough for the both of us you couldn't see it in me like i saw myself in you and i can't forget what could've been even if i wanted to and maybe if you'd stayed a while, i wouldn't fake this smile i'm so fucking stagnant, but your heart's like magnets i'm worn down from your excuses, i put my last breath into this now i'm alone back home stuck in the middle of what i tried to leave behind me the way things fell in place, everything but the timing it all felt right and i guess i thought we wanted the same thing i'll bend my back and let the sky fill my lungs 'cause i'm determined not to let this come undone and the only friends that i keep are stuck in lonely beds with lovers they don't need i'll still hate the time zones and being left alone i'm still stuck in the room that you brought me to my knees in still tucked away is a photo of us in the frame you bought me it's funny how it's not on show like all the things i buy to fill a void with it's the same way that you could think i'm together but inside i'm just breaking you left your heart in a new state i'll pack my life in this suitcase tonight i'll make my getaway i'll bend my back and let the sky fill my lungs 'cause i'm determined not to let this come undone and the only friends that i keep are stuck in lonely beds with lovers they don't need i'll still hate the time zones and being left alone and i swore to never love again, beaten and sore i let you in why do i find things to love and let them kill me? why do i find things to love and let them kill me? either love me or leave me alone either love me or leave me to roam
6.
Losing Sleep 03:27
you wrapped me up inside your head and left me there alone you're built just like the seasons, they come and they go when rational thoughts go out the window i'm at your window again can we pretend that we never fell apart while you fell in love with other hearts you bruised my mind on some of the best nights of my life and will i spend tonight sitting on a bench in a park across from your bed and i'll admit that i'm a mess, and i'm not as strong as i confess caught up in dirty sheets and thinking thoughts of you and me cause i hate the way you say his name i should mean more to you than it seems to me i guess i'll stay a stolen boat a lover with no anchor that's left to float no remorse, no respect, not a goddamn hope your sticks and stones, they break my bones and i'm alone can we pretend that we never fell apart while you fell in love with other hearts you bruised my mind on some of the best nights of my life and will i spend tonight sitting on a bench in a park across from your bed and i'll admit that i'm a mess, and i'm not as strong as i confess caught up in dirty sheets and thinking thoughts of you and me cause i hate the way you say his name i should mean more to you than it seems to me did you ever feel the cold and how it made us grow cause my heart's a heavy mess caught between lies and bitterness so tell me you've been thinking of me
7.
i never thought i'd carry a weight like this but i've held it for the past year and nothing takes away the fear of how you'll never be back here and i know i'm not perfect for you, that's fine i 've only ever done all i can do to try to make you as happy as i can but i can't stare honestly in the mirror knowing i failed to help you see things for the better 18 months and still i'm up all night i thought you said that i'd be alright i can't shut my eyes on an empty side i've been trying to move along hoping that you'll see i just want you to be fine with me rewind me to a point where i was you always found it easy to walk away i only knew how to take the blame and nothing takes away the ache in the back of my mind and i know you wanted honesty well alright you only ever cared for yourself, it seems you always made me as fragile as you could but i was built to break i know that i was built to break cos i'm an open wound still infected with all of you our burning house and the water in the street ran out the house we built burned to the ground 18 months and still i'm up all night i thought you said that i'd be alright i can't shut my eyes i've been trying to move along hoping that you'll see i just want you to be fine with me rewind me to a point where i was you want to know what's wrong? well i've been biting my tongue for far too long but you keep asking if i've moved on and these are words are stuck behind grit teeth they're drowning the way that you made me well i've been biting my tongue (you want to know what wrong?) and i'm sick of tasting blood (well i've been biting my tongue) and you want to know what's wrong (and i'm sick of tasting blood) and you keep asking if i've moved on

credits

released October 12, 2015

Recorded by Jack Newlyn
Mixed/Mastered by Jarred Nettle

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The Drive Home Adelaide, Australia

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